The Sexcapades of Edward and Bella
by Mollytigerc
Summary: Bella walks out to the beach and finds her love, Edward. What will happen when Bella finds what happens when she touches Edward in that special way? Warning: PARODY, SEX, LANGUAGE, OOC Characters. You have been warned.


The awfully insane sex of Edward and Bella…

This is a parody of a sex scene between Edward and Bella.

* * *

Scene: Bella is walking into the beautiful ocean toward her lover, Edward Cullen. She reaches him and smiles up at him lovingly.

Bella: Oh Edward, you're so beautiful.

Edward: Bella, I'm a monster! It is you who is truly beautiful, my love.

Bella: You don't know how much I want this. You don't know how much I want your salami sliding within me.

Edward: Bella! My salami is hard for you. And I love you so much. _ Edward roughly pulls Bella into his arms. Whispering he says, _But Bella, I may not be able to control myself!

Bella: I know, honey, I know. _Bella caresses Edward's thigh, not sure where his hot, throbbing salami is_. You like that baby?

_Edward's breath comes a little faster_. A little to the left Bella, my baby. My salami, it burns for you.

_Bella looks at him, confused. _Show me, my love. _Edward takes her hand in his, and puts it on his sausage. Her eyes grow wide as she gropes it. It is massive, hard, and ready for the taking._

Edward: Yes, Bella, that's it! Just play with my massive love hunk.

_Bella rubs his beautiful love sausage up and down, harder and harder, switching hands because of its ice coldness. _

Edward: Please…don't…get…frostbite….on…my…account! _Edward groans loudly as one last rub of her hands turns him into a puddle of ecstasy._

Bella: Okay. _She gives Edward an impish smirk as he pants beside her_. Fuck me hard, please.

_Edward lays Bella in the sand._ If anything is wrong, tell me, my sweet. I do not want to hurt you, but my salami is begging to be inside of you. Look at little Eddipuss rearing to go. _He strokes the base of her throat with his thumb._

Bella: Oh your eddipuss looks so nice, Edward. But will it fit inside me?! I want you so bad, Edward. Satisfy me! _Bella spreads her legs wide into a splits position, all the while laying on her back._ _She gives him a stare full of innocence and lust. _

Edward: OH BELLA! YOUR SHINNING JEWEL LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT!!!! _He says as he rubs his Eddipuss against her box of fun._

Bella: Oh, OH Edward! OHHHHH!!! Damn it Edward, I'm not looking for a frostbitten clit! Fill me, you hot love monkey.

Edward: Alright, beautiful. _Edward thrusts his mammoth beast into Bella. Bella squirms momentarily, but relaxes into the hard thrusting. _Oh, my Bella! You are softer than butter; you're all slippery and slidey.

Bella: No Edward, you are not. Your beast is fucking freezing cold, but it feels so good. _Bella reaches up for a kiss with her marble sex god of a husband_. Edward, grab that pillow my sexy love, put it underneath me, then we can get deep inside each other. _Bella arches her back even more, and she's now in a bridge position._

Edward p_laces the pillow underneath Bella's luscious behind and groans. He kisses Bella again, hot and deep, so very tempted to taste her blood. _Bella!! Are you okay? _Edward sped up his thrusts a little hoping he wouldn't be hurting his sex slave. _Bella! Bella!!! Fuck, Bella, you are ahhh-maaz-ing! _His climax was building, and with that his temptation to suck all her blood._

_Bella pants heavily, her vah-jay-jay getting sore from all the ice cold thrusting. Edward must have used a lot of extenze. _AHHHHH! OHH MYY GOD. Edward, Edward, EDWARDD! I cannot think…your mammoth love monkey…Oh, go on! Go on!! _Her thighs clench Edward to her as close as possible as she finally releases._

_Edward suddenly considers drinking Bella's delicious blood nectar. _He shakes his head furiously._ A goddess's blood? SURELY NOT! He grabs the largest object he can find, other than Bella, and bites down hard, trying not to think of Bella's red juice flowing down her neck. _OUCHIES! _He screams as he realizes he was biting into the largest rock he has ever seen. Suddenly the rock burst into pebbles as Edward feels Bella's hot tight box squeezing around his love shaft. _FUCK YES BELLA! YOU ARE SO GOD DAMNED AMAZING! _Eddipuss starts to pulse and EXPLODE! _ JESUS CHRIST! BELLA MY LOVE!!! MOTHERFUCK THS ISSSSSSS THE BEST THINK I'VE FELT SINCE I LAST FEASTED ON HUMAN BLOOD! FUCK SHIT YOU DAMNED TO HELL. _Edward collapses next to her and starts to snore, even though he cannot sleep._

Bella:Be calm, my love. We will finish this later._ She curls up next to him and falls asleep, his arm around her tiny bruised waist._


End file.
